Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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