who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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