You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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