You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize