Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
