I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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