i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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