Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
