shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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