Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
