Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
