Please, let me fuck your mom
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
