Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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