Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
