I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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