ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
