If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
