fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
