I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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