Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
