There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
