you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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