she was so not down for the gang bang
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
