So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
