God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
