I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
