just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
