this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
