i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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