the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
