toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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