Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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