I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
