Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
