My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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