She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
did i walk over a car last night?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
