He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
