so explain again why im purple
no
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
