just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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