Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
