Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Let's get the cat blown out
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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