you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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