Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
