and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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