1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
