either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
