I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize