I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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