i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
