I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
