OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
