When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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