I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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