Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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