he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
