please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
