wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
