Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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