Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
