how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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