mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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