My friends, they love my intelligence
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
