coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize