my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
