i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
