Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
