when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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