You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
