We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
