Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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