an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
